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July 1998


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Bonnie Glickman <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
A LISTSERV list for discussions pertaining to New York State history." <[log in to unmask]>
Mon, 6 Jul 1998 01:43:06 -0700
text/plain (88 lines)
This was just on Humor Digest; Enjoy!  Bonnie G...B)

> The Court of King George III
> London, England
> July 10, 1776
> Mr. Thomas Jefferson
> c/o The Continental Congress
> Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
> Dear Mr. Jefferson:
> We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest.
> Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your
> statements do merit serious consideration.  Unfortunately, the
> Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications
> for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for
> further refinement.
> The questions which follow might assist you in your process of
> revision:
>1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature
>   and Nature's God."  What are these laws?  In what way are they the
>   criteria on which you base your central arguments?  Please document
>   with citations from the recent literature.
>2. In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of mankind."
>   Whose polling data are you using?  Without specific evidence, it
>   seems to us the "opinions of mankind" are a matter of opinion.
>3. You hold certain truths to be "self-evident."  Could you please
>   elaborate.  If they are as evident as you claim then it should not
>   be difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting statistics.
>4. "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" seem to be the goals
>   of your proposal.  These are not measurable goals.  If you were to
>   say that "among these is the ability to sustain an average life
>   expectancy in six of the 13 colonies of at last 55 years, and to
>   enable newspapers in the colonies to print news without outside
>   interference, and to raise the average income of the colonists
>   by 10 percent in the next 10 years," these could be measurable
>   goals.  Please clarify.
>5. You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive
>   of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish
>   it, and to institute a new Government...."  Have you weighed this
>   assertion against all the alternatives?  What are the trade-off
>   considerations?
>6. Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive.
>   Such a long list of grievances should precede the statement of
>   goals, not follow it.  Your problem statement needs improvement.
>7. Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all.  You
>   state that the colonies "ought to be Free and Independent States,"
>   and that they are "Absolved from All Allegiance to the British
>   Crown."  Who or what must change to achieve this objective?  In
>   what way must they change?  What specific steps will you take to
>   overcome the resistance? How long will it take?  We have found that
>   a little foresight in these areas helps to prevent careless errors
>   later on.  How cost-effective are your strategies?
>8. Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for
>   implementing your strategy?  Who conceived it?  Who provided the
>   theoretical research? Who will constitute the advisory committee?
>   Please submit an organization chart and vitae of the principal
>   investigators.
>9. You must include an evaluation design.  We have been requiring this
>   since Queen Anne's War.
>10. What impact will your problem have?  Your failure to include any
>    assessment of this inspires little confidence in the long-range
>    prospects of your undertaking.
>11. Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized budget,
>    and manpower utilization matrix.
> We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your "Declaration
> of Independence."  We welcome the submission of your revised proposal.
> Our due date for unsolicited proposals is July 31, 1776.  Ten copies
> with original signatures will be required.
> Sincerely,
> Management Analyst to the British Crown