This was just on Humor Digest; Enjoy! Bonnie G...B) > The Court of King George III > London, England > July 10, 1776 > > Mr. Thomas Jefferson > c/o The Continental Congress > Philadelphia, Pennsylvania > > Dear Mr. Jefferson: > > We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest. > Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your > statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the > Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications > for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for > further refinement. > > The questions which follow might assist you in your process of > revision: > >1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature > and Nature's God." What are these laws? In what way are they the > criteria on which you base your central arguments? Please document > with citations from the recent literature. > >2. In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of mankind." > Whose polling data are you using? Without specific evidence, it > seems to us the "opinions of mankind" are a matter of opinion. > >3. You hold certain truths to be "self-evident." Could you please > elaborate. If they are as evident as you claim then it should not > be difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting statistics. > >4. "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" seem to be the goals > of your proposal. These are not measurable goals. If you were to > say that "among these is the ability to sustain an average life > expectancy in six of the 13 colonies of at last 55 years, and to > enable newspapers in the colonies to print news without outside > interference, and to raise the average income of the colonists > by 10 percent in the next 10 years," these could be measurable > goals. Please clarify. > >5. You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive > of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish > it, and to institute a new Government...." Have you weighed this > assertion against all the alternatives? What are the trade-off > considerations? > >6. Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive. > Such a long list of grievances should precede the statement of > goals, not follow it. Your problem statement needs improvement. > >7. Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all. You > state that the colonies "ought to be Free and Independent States," > and that they are "Absolved from All Allegiance to the British > Crown." Who or what must change to achieve this objective? In > what way must they change? What specific steps will you take to > overcome the resistance? How long will it take? We have found that > a little foresight in these areas helps to prevent careless errors > later on. How cost-effective are your strategies? > >8. Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for > implementing your strategy? Who conceived it? Who provided the > theoretical research? Who will constitute the advisory committee? > Please submit an organization chart and vitae of the principal > investigators. > >9. You must include an evaluation design. We have been requiring this > since Queen Anne's War. > >10. What impact will your problem have? Your failure to include any > assessment of this inspires little confidence in the long-range > prospects of your undertaking. > >11. Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized budget, > and manpower utilization matrix. > > We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your "Declaration > of Independence." We welcome the submission of your revised proposal. > Our due date for unsolicited proposals is July 31, 1776. Ten copies > with original signatures will be required. > > Sincerely, > > Management Analyst to the British Crown